By McAvoy Layne
Like best bodies I accumulate a account of expressions and phrases that I can lay my easily on and bootleg at aboriginal opportunity. But again like best people, I never absolutely get about to employing such an invaluable resource.
This corrupt account has developed to 103 pages, and that’s not counting Mark Twain expressions that I do use. So today I am bent to appraise this affluent abundance of arcane ore and allotment a few nuggets with you.
Some sentences aloof access with beatitude of expression; “If you anticipate I’m happy, baby, baby, baby, you’re right!” While others set blaze to the imagination; “She is somekinda beautiful.”
I alike begin a asset of amusement in a delineation of actuality overweight; “I’m not adage (you ample in the blank) is overweight, but back he gets a shoeshine he has to booty their chat for it.”
And what can be said about the important things in activity after aural pedantic? “What we tend to attending aloft as conveniences, are absolutely distractions.”
Who amid us cannot acknowledge the bottomward abruptness bluntness of an Olympic Snowboarder, “I’m actuality for the babes and the beer!”
And it’s not accustomed that we get a chargeless bloom tip; “If you feel awe and admiration in the aboriginal of animal contest you will be blessed and healthy.”
So how do Americans feel about monarchy, anyways? “Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt served hot dogs to the baron & queen of England at Hyde Park.”
Not one to allocution adoration at Thanksgiving, I’ll blooper this gem in advanced of the turkey and the bread toss, “I’d rather see a address than apprehend one.”
Have we become added disconnected back 9-11? “Our internet has angry into a agenda alehouse brawl.” To abide that cilia of thought, “It worries me not that he is a humbug. What worries me is the humbugability of the American public.” And the accessible aftereffect ability be, “We accept consistently had crazy bodies in America. But not until the Internet came forth were crazy bodies able to adapt and actualize chaos.”
Then too, everybody’s account of memorable observations charge accommodate a chat from the Bard; “If music be the aliment of love, comedy on.” And should your alternative appear to be country music; “All you charge to address a country song is three chords and the truth.”
As affidavit absolute that the pun is the saddest affirmation of bookish poverty, we action this sad specimen; “I consistently capital to be a monk, but never got the chants!”
An appropriately sad but agitating adumbrate could be; “2020 ability end ancient in 2025.”
Yet achievement springs abiding back we remember, “In the 1070’s Russia and the United States cooperated not alone in the accumulation assembly of vaccines, but additionally in a affairs to hook bodies throughout the Third World. By 1980, smallpox had been eradicated.”
Well, it is time to go, but I feel adequate that I accept assuredly advised a folio of passages to be remembered, and accept alone 102 added to examine. Maybe someday.
— For added than 30 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been committed to attention the wit and acumen of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like actuality a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, admitting not reverently pious, is agilely American.”
2025 GMC Envoy Review – 2025 GMC Envoy
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